A Few Words About Worry....
- Joanna Szczeskiewicz
- Feb 7
- 9 min read
Updated: Feb 19
Chances are, you have tried to stop worrying, only to find the endeavor far more difficult and frustrating than you anticipated. Worry is a tricky, complex problem.
To manage it, we must first differentiate between worry content (the specific topics we worry about) and the worry process (the thinking spirals inside our minds). The worry process can attach itself to anything: being unprepared for an exam, fearing a loved one might get ill, or facing a scary medical diagnosis.
No matter the scenario, we all want to slow our minds down—even when facing serious issues. Letting go of worry won't magically fix the problem, but it gives us the emotional room to rest and appreciate what is still available to us.
A helpful way to summarize the principles of managing worry is the A.P.P.L.E. [1]. This stands for Acceptance, Perspective, Problem-solving, Letting go, and Effective engagement. We will use these five principles to show you how to tackle the worry process in some very different scenarios as reflected in stories of Tamara, Adam, Nina and Reymond. In some these cases worries might seem unsubstantiated, in others the worry emerged clearly as a result of significant crisis.
Tamara is in the second-year university. She was doing quite well until the mid-terms when her grades took a hit after a particularly difficult exam in biochemistry. Tamara has lost her confidence. She still has to write a final exam in that course but cannot bring herself to study. Most students in the class got poorer grades than expected. Tamara is spending many hours with her lecture notes and reports not being able to absorb any information. A tracking sheet revealed that very little of study time is spent on studying as Tamara tends to chat with her classmates online about the unfairness of the last test and gets easily distracted by notifications from her favorite podcasters.
Adam applied for multiple jobs as a software engineer. He was lucky to get interviews and two very attractive job offers. Initially Adam was very happy with his work but then started thinking that the other job could have been better than the one that he has selected. Now Adam evaluates his current workplace against imaginary perks of the position that he has rejected and reports being highly dissatisfied with his professional life. He stated that he would be less concerned if he could know for sure that he has chosen the better option.
Nina and Alice married last year. Nina never felt happier. She says that she cannot imagine life without Alice. Once Alice woke up earlier than her partner and could not hear clear breathing from the other side of the bed. Since that time, Nina has very hard time with her sleep, least Alice stops breathing and she, Nina, won’t notice it and fails to provide the necessary assistance. The couple started arguing and Nina has been insisting that Alice takes yet another sleep apnea test despite the first test being negative and Alice’s being in good health. Nina explains that her nagging is causing a lot of problems and that she wishes to get the worries out of her head but can’t.
Reymond observed unusual trembling and tiredness for a while but generally dismissed it as a consequence of overworking. He eventually got an appointment with a family physician and then was sent to a neurologist. The news took him aback as he received diagnoses of Parkinson’s. Reymond set up to organize all his affairs and set up appointments with hopes that alternative medicine will offer a solution. He has given up on most of his activities and has very limited interactions with his family, claiming that they simply do not understand what he is going through. Most of his time is consumed by reading about Parkinson’s and trying to implement the many recommendations that he is gathering from his various providers. Reymond is clear: he is only seeing a therapist to please his wife as his behaviour is justified because his problems are real.
Now, let's see how the A.P.P.L.E. method can be applied.
A - Acceptance
Acceptance is not endorsement. It is the absence of wishful thinking. We cannot wish difficult things away any more than we can "worry them away." The trick is not to get lost in our worries, but also not to fight them.
Why Fighting Thoughts Fails What happens when we try to force a thought out of our heads? Usually, it comes back with even more force. To demonstrate this, let’s try an experiment. Look at the picture below. Now, close your eyes and give it everything you’ve got to ensure an image of a green apple does not form in your head. Do not think of a green apple.
How did it go? Chances are, you saw the green apple while trying your best to suppress it [2]. This is likely the strategy you have been using to manage worry: Forcing it to stop. But that is not how the mind works. Whatever we struggle against becomes relevant, important, and deserving of our undivided attention.
Why Avoidance Fails: If thought-stopping doesn't work, what about avoiding triggers?
Tamara would have to avoid her classes.
Adam would have to stop working.
Nina would have to leave her partner.
Reymond would have to deny his illness.
None of that is helpful or even possible.
The Solution: Shifting Attention
Instead of fighting, we acknowledge the presence of worry and then choose what to focus on. Take a look at the fruit stall below. Instead of trying not to see the green apples, focus on the oranges or pears. The apples are still there, but they no longer take center stage [3]
We can shift our attention like this, once we recognize that the presence of a worry does not make it immediately relevant. This requires perspective.
P - Perspective
We can only redirect our attention if we determine that the worry doesn't reflect our immediate reality. We cannot just push worries away—not only because they push back, but because some worries signal real problems that require attention.
It helps to write things down. Our minds get muddled, and writing untangles the mess. Ask yourself two questions:
Is it Urgent? Is this happening right now? Is it possible to act on it immediately? (The Building Awareness and Effectiveness worksheet is a good tool for this).
Is it Reasonable? Does the prediction make sense? What is the evidence? (The Challenging Anxious Thoughts worksheet helps create a fuller view of the situation).
Perspective and problem-solving go hand in hand. We cannot solve problems if we do not have a clear picture of what they are.
P - Problem Solving
It is best to keep a regular "Problem-Solving Time"—a dedicated window of 30 to 60 minutes daily. This is a slightly different take on "Worry Time" that you might have heard about. Problem solving is still going to put you in touch with your worry thoughts (element of exposure) and you will not be wasting your time on spirilng thoughts.
Spending dedicated time on problem solving results in:
Clearer action plans.
A reduction in daily worry (because you can tell yourself, "I will think about this during my scheduled time").
Learning to differentiate between "time to think" and "time to live."
You won't solve everything in one hour. But if you keep the practice going, in a month you will have spent 30 hours developing strategies. Here is what that looks like for Tamara, Adam, Nina and Reymond.
Tamara needs to rebuild her ability to absorb information. She can practice studying while an audio recording of her worry thoughts plays in the background, training her attention not to be derailed [4].
Adam would spend his problem-solving time searching for stimulating projects at his current job rather than fantasizing about the old one. He could also streamline his resume to apply for future jobs that match his interests better.
Nina would practice refraining from questioning Alice about her health, despite the intrusive thoughts.
Reymond faces the uncertainty of illness progression. He would use this time to coordinate appointments, but also to ensure there is free time for non-illness activities. He must learn that a bonfire by the lake won't accelerate Parkinson’s, and refusing a weekend at the cottage won't slow it down.
L - Letting Go
We have to deal with our problems, not worry about them. There is a difference. Studying for an exam is very different from worrying about an exam. Questioning a job choice is different from building a career. Loving a spouse is different from being preoccupied with the possibility she could die. Worrying about future progress of recently diagnosed severe illness is different from following the treatment protocol.
As applied to worry, letting go does not trivialize our concerns. Far from it. When we let go of such a useless and painful process, we are better equipped to effectively handle what matters.
Letting go of the worry process is difficult because worrying is a conditioned behaviour. Many things that we worry about do not happen and we fall prey to attribution error - without even realizing it, we start living our lives as if worrying were protective. I remember when my son was learning to drive and was late getting home during particularly bad weather. I found myself worrying and circling our kitchen table. Was my pacing keeping him safe on the road? Not likely. Yet next time he was running a bit late, pacing happened even faster. This is an example of thought action fusion or attribution error - without even realizing it, my mind attributed my son's safety to my worrying.
Furthermore, research by Tom Borkovec suggests that the act of worrying can briefly reduce physiological markers of anxiety. This traps us in a cycle of dependency. If you look at the diagrams below, letting go might not seem appealing at first, but it is necessary.
We like to have control and worry offers an illusion of control. Worry makes us believe that we are being proactive – a byproduct of attribution error known as thought-action fusion. Thought-action fusion creates a sense of helplessness as despite having expended all that mental energy, we achieve nothing. Worry is like carrying a load when you do not have to. In the end, we are just exhausted and unable to do what we have committed to doing. Worrying is the opposite of effectiveness.
Effective Engagement
Effective engagement is the opposite of worry. Effective engagement requires us to accept that worries might be there, to take things in perspective, develop plans, let go of worrying as an ineffective albeit powerfully reinforced problem-solving strategy. Then we get to choose what makes sense for us to do over the next few minutes or few hours. Effective engagement implies intentionality.
If this is the time to act on the problems that you worry about, do just that. Tamara might study and write her exam. Adam might apply for a job. Nina and Alice have booked their annual appointments with family physicians but decided to go on different dates. Raymond makes sure to take his Levodopa as prescribed.
If this is not the time to take care of the problems, focus on something else that is meaningful and makes sense for you. It can be anything. Tamara might just catch a nap, practice oil painting or meet a few friends. Adam might watch an online lecture or play a game of basketball, preferably in a real court and with teammates. The foodie that she is, Nina could try new recipes and plan the next Toronto culinary adventures for her and Alice. Raymond could spend time with his grandchildren or read crime fiction by the fireplace.
In Summary
A.P.P.L.E. is a helpful acronym to remember that being able to let go requires all of the five strategies: acceptance, perspective, problem-solving, letting go and effective engagement. These are highly interdependent relatively easy to understand but difficult to implement concepts. Remember the diagrams that shows the process of letting go of worrying? We are humans, not robots, and so worry might come knocking and you'll be a backseat driver. That's OK. Just remember not to get stuck for too long.
[1] The A.P.P.L.E. acronym used in this post has been developed while preparing materials for a CBT for Anxiety Group at Credit Valley Hospital and I am not aware of anyone else using it in this specific manner, especially with the emphasis on problem solving time, explanation of barriers to letting go and a strong visual reminder of what happens to us when we try very hard not to think of our problems (or a green apple). I initially tried to use the classic white bear example but my Polish accent made everyone in the group think of beer... There is another version of APPLE that is popular online. It stands for Acknowledge, Pause, Pull Back, Let Go and Explore.
[2]If you want to learn more about thought suppression, read D.M. Wegner’s classic: White bears and other unwanted thoughts: Suppression, obsession, and the psychology of mental control.
[3] You can train your ability to focus despite distractions by placing a sticker on your screen while watching videos. It can be frustrating at first, but eventually, you will be able to get absorbed in the content. The key is to focus on what you want to watch, not your annoyance with the sticker.
[4] Check this post if you want to know more about the application of exposure-based treatment to worry.
Cartoons used in this blog were commissioned from Jared Mitchel. If you want Jared to sketch for you, contact him at jaredmitchellart@gmail.com
